


I Remember You

by LostInQueue



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Arson, Candles, Community Service, Doing Good, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, Fire, Fluff, Gen, Guilty by Association, HEA, Juvey, Modern AU, Nursing, Ornate candles, artisan shop, candle carving, candle making, care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 19:15:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17813903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LostInQueue/pseuds/LostInQueue
Summary: Ben is found guilty by association when his friends have been caught setting fires to parked cars. He is given the opportunity to to community service instead, learning life lessons along the way.This was a prompt from RTC: candlelight





	I Remember You

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Twenty-three years ago:

“Candles?” whines thirteen-year-old, Ben Solo.

“Yes, candles!” snaps his uncle Luke, who has already had enough of Ben’s crap today. Every other word is elongated, as if the English dictionary updated each one with three or more vowels. It isn’t enough that he sings them out either—each time Ben throws his lanky teenage body around Luke’s older friend’s shop

“Whyyy-yuh?” Ben’s arm’s slump in front of him, aggravated by being in this shop that didn’t take his height into consideration when they made the establishment years ago.

“It’s community service, or juvey which do you want?”

Right now, the stupid answer he wants to give is sitting on his lips, ready to jump off. But Ben knows Luke went far out of his way for his mother’s sanity, to protect him. Protect him from what? He couldn’t imagine juvey being that bad. He would sit in a room with other dumbasses and sleep alone. It really only sounded like another version of school, minus the privilege of freedom.

His uncle was right though. It was either juvey or community service— it’s what the court ordered, even though he was guilty by association. Ben wasn’t the one starting fires, but he didn’t exactly try to get his friends to stop either.

For months he blamed being accused of being an accomplice by the only house on the street with a porch. The playback in the court showed him walking away from his friend, covering the sides of his face in disbelief that he was actually doing it. It showed him being genuinely worried, but the lawyers made it seem that he was enjoying himself instead of being scared shitless.

That brings him back to the present.

Luke walks them through the tiny shop. One wall is lined with lit showcases, modeling sets of candles for weddings and keepsake moments such as baby showers and religious growth stages such as christenings or bar mitzvahs. There is another line of shelving in the middle of the room, making a space for boxed candles to sit on one side and ornate holders, Ben assumes are just store bought and marked higher for this mom and pop shop.

“Maz?” Luke let his voice boom louder than it was a moment ago in search of his friend. “She’s losing her hearing,” he says to Ben, over his shoulder.

With that the shortest woman Ben has ever seen, hurried into the storefront from a whitewashed door at the back of the shop.

“Ah, Luke,” she claps her hands together, as she sizes up the boy he brought with him.

“I’ve been waiting for you.”

————

Ben Solo has since grown up from that troubling time in his life.

He remembers the first several days of his community service, Maz made sure his attitude changed and he stayed focused on what the little woman needed. Most of the time she had him cleaning up her little workshop in the back, or dusting cabinets. As she began to trust him, she would ask him to go clean up around the premises so that her shop looked inviting. On nicer days she would allow him out for longer, asking him to go to local shops for odd things and then to the local deli for sandwiches. Maz always paid a head of time for his meal, since she knew the boy never deviated from what was comfortable to him. Following directions was exactly that.

Ben loves to be comfortable. A few times he tried working in sweatpants, but Maz would send him home to change each time. When he thought about it, it made sense. She couldn’t have some boy being the face of her shop, dressing down to the couch potato version of himself. It would ruin her high standards morale.

As he matured, he understood more of this. He started brushing his hair more often, leaving it long of course, but wearing it to the side so customers could see his eyes. Maz found it extremely important to have good eye contact. It helped her notice when someone needed help or was trying to pocket an item without paying for it.

“When you live as long as I have, you see the same eyes in different people,” he remembers her saying. Ben nods to himself, and finishes her saying for her, “If you pay attention, they’ll tell you all you’ll ever need to know.”

Maz has since passed. It was a hard thing to accept for Ben, being that she was the most concrete person he had in his life. Uncle Luke had been traveling overseas taking on a feed the hungry campaign with his local church. That strange old man was always trying to fix his life crises by helping others. It seemed to help him realize his problems weren’t as large as he thought. In some ways, Ben admires that about his uncle, but he did it all the time! It wasn’t a trip here or there. It was almost every month for weeks at a time. He clearly needed to see someone but wasn’t he technically?

His parents were here and there all the time too. His mother had a hard time talking to him after that court appearance he made. It was like she felt like her little boy walked off to prison and never came back.

That wasn’t true. He didn’t. He was fine. Armitage? Yes, that idiot went back to starting fires again, fist on ants, all the way back up the scale to cars, again. It was like he didn’t learn! And what’s worse, he lit it on some homeless family’s vehicle. It was in the news and everything. At least back then it was—he thinks about the cars he watched go up like Roman candles... then looks down at the beautiful item he just carved in his hand. They were really lucky that there was no one in the cars when they set them on fire—God! They didn’t even check. What if that was him now? What if he set that person’s family on fire?

Just the thought makes him nauseous. Ben’s eyes cross, just barely being able to set down the candle he just made, before sliding down the wall behind him in a heap. There he stayed until the next customer came in.

A woman’s voice brings him back to.

“Shopkeeper? Hello?” The woman calls her question as she comes around the isle. “He—are you alright?” she asks, rushing to his side.

Ben looks up at the small woman with dark brown eyes in confusion. A little bigger than Maz... well, maybe double her size is a batter description. She has dark hair like his, but it’s really shiny. For a second, he wonders if it’s shiny like that because she polishes it. Polishing hair? No, no, no...no one polishes hair, he thinks. That’s ridiculous...

“Hey, I’m Rose,” she says extending her hand. “Are you the candle maker?”

That comment set him back a few years to when he trained with Maz. She finally let him in the back where she said the magic happens. They were getting ready to melt all different colored waxes to dip a molded candle inside of them. He intently watched as the candle grew in size as it took on more colors, thinking this can’t be all she’s going to do.

Surely it wasn’t. Maz then took the hot ten-pound candle and hung it over her work station, carving it with her favorite knife, and pulling the wax down like petals on a flower. He remembers her smug smile as he found out the colors, she dipped were being revealed to him with each cut.

“It matters what you do in life,” she points at the layers. “Each layer represents a decision. Make good ones, get good in return. Make bad ones, well, I shouldn’t have to say it. But you always have a choice to turn it around. Like you did here, with me, in my little shop.” Maz unhooks the candle to show it to him. She picked calming colors like her soft pale yellow, golden yellow, transitioning to white and then back to her pale blue followed by a medium shade of blue similar to the color of the sky right above his head. It’s always the most concentrated blue in the sky directly above your person, she’d always say. “Keep this Ben, it’s for you. May you never feel lost or alone again.”

With that he blinked at the young woman, nodding at her question, “Yes, I’ve been the owner since Maz’s passing. What can I help you with?

As Rose spoke, she mentioned she worked with the local hospital, and knew Maz participated years ago. “It would really bring back a lot of hope if you could supply some pieces to let the patients pick from the cart, we’ll have wheeling around the floors.”

He nods remembering all of the joy it would bring Maz to be there. Then how she had him come with a few times showing pieces he worked on. Several were genuine fuck ups like a bar led black, red and orange candle he tried to salvage grime completely dropping the thing into the melting units. That was a day. He knew Maz hated wasting material and he truly destroyed the workstation with his clumsiness. But she was still positive with him, promising that someone would still find beauty in it.

He couldn’t imagine that would be so but as he stood behind the cart in their uniform covered by paper scrubs and booties over their shoes, he found the person that could see his mistake as more than one.

It was a girl, a preteen by way of her chart, but otherwise it was hard to make her out. She was heavily bandaged, lost a significant amount of her hair and was put on oxygen at some point. the only obvious marker was the mask off to the side, replaced with a tube that tested at her nose.

The bed was fitted with an IV that was obviously attached to her somewhere, but he couldn’t see how. Not wanting to stare at the survivor, Ben nervously held his hands and cast his eyes down to the floor.

He remembers how warm Maz was to the girl; how she moved towards the bed as she spoke kind words of care and sympathy. He remembers Maz’s delight when the girl took her hand and held it with a comfortable tightness. It was then when he heard the girl introduce herself, that his head snapped up to watch the exchange.

Her voice sounded raspy, not that of a child’s, but more of a smoker’s that had inhaled a carton a day. He remembers blurting out his questions of concern, asking if she could have water or ice chips. The later was allowed by the nurse keeping watch in her room. He remembers Maz’s pride bloom in her heart and tears welled up in her eyes, when he asked if he could tend to her.

“I’m Ben,” he introduced as he carefully took the Styrofoam cup filled with ice pellets from the nurse.

“Rey,” she struggles with her own name. He watched her as she struggled to swallow the small amount of saliva barely coating her tongue.

He hushed her, first only thinking of her care. He apologized a second later, saying that she didn’t have to say a word. He promised he’d make sure she got the ice chips she needed.

Rey’s nurse handed him a spoon and told him to give only one at a time. As he finished them, she’d signal for another one my tapping her foot, since her arms were utterly useless at the time.

He filled the awkward silence telling her what he did for work. How it started as community service and evolved into the most meaningful job he’d ever had. She seemed to be listening intently, and tapped her foot for more ice here and there.

The moment they were informed that visiting hours were over, he promised he’d be back as soon as he could.

Maz reminded him to offer an item from the cart, and he was surprised when she picked the awful one he dropped, that Maz hid among the rest of the ornate pieces.

“Why that one?” he asked. Ben tried desperately hard to change her mind.

“Because, it’s like me,” she said.

“No it’s not!” he replied louder than he meant to. “You’re not a mistake. You’re important. This,” he waved over her, “You’ll get over this... because you’re strong enough to.” Ben’s eyes welled up realizing he too had that very chance to be better than he was, and he pushed it onto a complete stranger that was just another patient to the staff. But not to him.

He found him offering the mistake of the craft to her, even though he wanted to chuck it out the window. He knew she couldn’t hold it, so he put it next to her on her rolling tray.

He remembers the way she looked at him. His mistake brought her so much joy. He felt compelled to touch her blanketed foot to assure her that he’d be back to see her soon.

The moment they walked out of the room, Ben needed to know more about how she even wound up like that.

Maz hushed him, “It’s not your place to know.”

“But I—“

“Care? Yes, I know. You have your father’s compassion...but this is a hospital, and you’re not her family.”

The memory left him, and Rose rematerializes in front of him fidgeting with her card.

“Listen, I’m on my lunch break. I need to know by Thursday if you can participate— “

“Yes! Yes, I can... I just thought of— you know what, it’s fine. Good. Yes... um how many do you need and when?

“As many as you can donate by the seventh,” she grinned. “Oh! I’m so excited! I can’t even wait to tell Rey, she exclaimed pulling her phone out of her purse. “Ok! Listen, I have to go... but if you need anything, you have my number. Leave a message if I don’t answer. I work in a hospital— you know...”

All Ben can offer is a wave, replaying the name that slipped out of Rose in his mind, over and over again.

“Rey.”

——

Ben made it his mission to make as many as he could within reason, pulling out all the stops. He made the largest ones that Maz saved for county fares, that she referred to as her carousel candles. Each would be made from a larger, hallowed center mold. There were three wicks in a low base toward the middle of the candle making for a beautiful display of light and shadow in the carved top half. The bottom displayed petals of wax cut from the base and laid over the next in almost a basket weave design.

He picked the most vibrant colors for these and set them aside. He wanted something extra special in case Rey was the girl he met all that time ago.

He had to remember that she was moved the next day to another hospital, and they never saw each other again. He kicks the memory.

During all of his work he kept reminding himself that she has her life and he has hers. She might not remember him... she might have a love interest—not that it was even a thought to be romantic with a young girl he fed ice chips to all that time ago. But what if she’s pretty? He argues with himself that he was doing far too much, but then not enough...all the way up until the day they were due.

It’s not until he’s met with Rose to who holds open the door for him to push his cart load of boxes through it, that he realizes the day has come. That he’ll meet the person Rose referred to with her name. It’s a second more before his thoughts wander to the possibility that Rey was a hopeful variation of what could have been referred to as a man’s name.

A cold sweat drapes over his brow and arms as panic sets in. What if Rey is with an “a” and it’s a guy? The room seems to spiral around him, the desire to run back to the van kicks in, but what would his excuse be? What could he possibly say? It’s not like he could claim an emergency happened—they’re literally at a hospital. Inside!

Suddenly he hears Rose tap her palm on the cart to stop it. When he looks up, she’s checking him in at the main desk, and getting the clearance to go up to floor three in the northwest wing. He’s barely aware that he’s acknowledged this, or put the tag high on his shirt, clipping it to the pocket instead of a space between his buttons like he briefly saw another man do.

Did it matter? It really didn’t as far as he was concerned. He was already red, all the way to the tips of his ears letting his self-doubt get to him. Maybe he let this go too far—his hope. He let that run wild for an entire week, crafting all that he had there... for a potential man. What difference did it make if he looked like a mess?

“Oh, no. You’ve got that too high,” Rose situated it lower like the other man. “You’re too tall. The camera can’t read it if it’s over suggested eye level. It’s too reflective...” Rose moves the badge so he can see.

“Oh, um... thank you,” he says nervously looking around from Rose, to the desk they were parked in front of.

Above it hung a white board with last names of doctors in red, followed by nurses on in blue, separated by thick black lines, he couldn’t help but imagine weren’t stripes made with marker. Next to the names were shift times, and expected changes. It all looked cleaner than any doctor’s hand writing he’d ever seen. In fact, everything was clean. No papers out of place... but that made sense didn’t it? A sterile environment needed to be that way.

Rose scooted around him, trying to access the side door to get inside the space where their corralled chairs huddled together. He watches as she grabs a green lanyard with another set of keys attached to it. This he realizes, is something she likes to twirl, like a whistle.

Ben listens carefully, trying to hear about this guy he hopes is the same Rey from years ago, when he hears laughter pour out of a room. It’s heavenly.

“Well, I don’t know about that, but you could say we go way back,” said the girl, tucking a loose tendril behind her ear. “My shift is done in an hour...”

“Who is it today?” the man asked curiously. His voice pitched high at the end of his question, but not in an unmanly way.

“I’m pretty sure it’s Sabine. Have you had her yet?”

“No, I don’t think I’ve ever heard that name before.”

“Well she’s more than a name here. She’s head nurse, and even trained me.”

Their conversation quiets down and she excuses herself a short time after. Ben cannot look away. He chants, “It’s not her; she’s not here,” over and over again until her name tag is within view. “R? Oh my God, it starts with an R,” he says to himself, as if he’s trying to solve a puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.

The closer she walks toward the station, the more Ben grips the handle of the cart. His logical self-snorts at his lack of composure around a pretty girl. It’s not like he’s had practice. He clung to Maz and her candle shop. He didn’t really go out or make meaningless friends after his extended time serving a sentence he didn’t think he deserved.

At any rate, looking at a pretty girl was hard enough—he figured he’d stay to the side and never come out of his shell enough to say hello.

But today, he stands behind a cart of donations, made for patients, while trying to secretly find a girl he met once.

The nurse smiled shyly at him on her way to the desk. She put away her folder, wrote down some numbers on the whiteboard he saw before, and sat down at her computer. She adjusts a few things on her desk and logs into the portal, he assumes.

Rose leans on the counter ahead of the desk set up, calling for her friend. “Rey?”

The names person doesn’t answer.

The woman tries again. And her friend’s finger points up, still with her back turned to Rose.

“Hi, this is Rey on level three, I need to refill Mr. Peehoh’s blood pressure, and thyroid pills.” She reads both prescription numbers to the person on the line. “How soon—“ she stops, listening to the response. “I’ll call the doctor then.”

It takes her ten minutes but finally the deed is done, and the prescription is filled. She huffs a sigh, “I really cannot believe what it takes to get some offices to follow through. It’s not like it’s a surprise the poor man is in here. He’s been for just as long as I was—“ she stops speaking abruptly when she realizes that she knows this person her friend is with.

Her face frowns a little as if she’s trying to figure him out. Although, unlike himself, Rey blurts out, “I know you.”

Ben sees it as it’s happening. He’s going to faint. He did it so many times growing up just with growth spurts, that he just knew the sequence now. The light in the bright hospital suddenly faded to a neon blue. The edges of his sight dimmed until they turned black...his knees buckled just so, and the last thing he could remember saying was: “I think I need to sit down.”

Ben did in fact faint. Rose and Rey spared no time rounding the desk to get to his sides so he wouldn’t crack his head on the tile floor. A third nurse came by offering smelling salt to wake the giant, adding, “Rey, if you have to knock someone out, can you please do it by a bed next time?”

Rey scowled at the man. His joke is insensitive, and she won’t let him finish his shift without an earful. But first, it was an absolute dream to be the one to aid him. Rey knew this was the boy that helped her all those years ago. She knew as soon as their eyes locked in the hallway. It was why she made sure prescriptions were filled. She had to catch her breath and keep her thoughts straight. The thought of seeing him again, if he was still even with Maz, if she was even still alive, if—so many ifs. She spent so much time hoping he was still around. It was why she went to school locally. It was the reason she started her nursing rotation in this hospital... and it seemed it all paid off.

The very fact that he fainted is charming. Hope blooms in her heart, dying to know if he feels it too. As the girls look at each other, Rose is the first to blurt out that he seems to do this a lot.

“What do you mean?” Rey asks.

“He knew to say he needed to sit down.”

“Oh,” part of her feels a little less worried that it might not be something to do with them meeting up again. “Either way, get him a water, I’ll— “

“Of course you will,” her friend winked at her before going to get a cup.

“Sorry,” she hears the man mumble.

“For what?” Rey asks softly, trying to connect with him as he bashfully hides his eyes under his long hair.

“For this whole scene—fainting, I mean. You don’t have to,” Rey snorts at this.

“It May be my job to care for others, but you’re my friend, Ben. Don’t you remember me?”

“How could I not? I came the next day and you were gone.” His eyes flick up to meet hers, “I didn’t tell you my name... how did you— “

“Remember you? Ben, you were the only person, besides Maz, that came to my room and didn’t look at me with disgust. You cared for me. I’d be a monster if I let myself forget you.”

Rose comes back with the cup of water and hands him. “Sip that. When it’s done, sit on the chair against the wall over there. In that order.” She then turns to her friend asking if she needed any help with the last of her rounds or if anyone was being discharged in her care.

“Not until later, on Poe’s shift. ‘Legs’ isn’t allowed anyone else. He’s harassed enough girls on this floor.”

“Legs?”

“You don’t want to know,” Rey warns.

Rose tried, really tries to keep her laugh quiet when she bends in towards the. “‘Legs’ is a guy that finds any reason to be admitted, so that he can trick new students, staff, whatever... into ‘counting his leg hair’. Gets him off or something. I don’t know—isn’t there Craig’s List for that?”

Ben looks absolutely mortified. “He didn’t? You didn’t?”

“I’ve avoided him like the plague. No. I haven’t cared for the man since he asked. Poe’s the only one who deals with him.”

Before Ben can think twice, he asks, “What does he drink?”

Rey claps her hand on his shoulder saying, “Anything—and he can always use a new buddy!”

With that Rey fixes to stand up from the floor, then turns to offer her hand to his.

“Slowly, Ben,” she says. “Don’t want to be doing that over again,” Rey smiles sweetly at him. “What are you,” she glances at the cart stacked with white boxes, trying to clarify her question. “Are you? Did you?”

“I made these... for you—r floor,” he answers nervously. “Your floor. I made them for your floor. I mean I didn’t know you’d be here. I hoped—but—I... when I made them, I had you in mind. I hope that’s not weird. I mean we don’t know each other much past that one day— “

“It’s okay, Ben. I feel it too,” she assures him, patting his hand like Maz use to. “Will you show me what you made?” she asks curiously.

Ben wonders idly if this has just been a dream and he’ll be waking up soon. He still can’t believe she’s here and looks like an angel despite the accident she must have had before being admitted to the hospital. It had to have been an accident. Who would hurt her? He remembers her burns being mostly on her arms and upper body, and wonders if she healed alright. Or if she has scars left from them. It’s not like he can see, given her long sleeves underneath her scrubs but he can’t help but wonder.

She must know that’s what he’s thinking about because it only takes a second for her to flick her wrist, pulling the cuff of her sleeve down past her wrist.

“Oh,” he licks his lips absently trying to call himself back to their conversation. “Uh, yes. I did these myself. Maz,” he clears his throat trying to ward off his feelings, “she passed last year. Went in her sleep.”

Rey’s face fell from the delighted smile that appeared when he implied that he kept practicing for all these years, to completely broken down about Maz’s passing as if they were friends for far longer.

“Ben, I’m terribly sorry. That must have been hard to go through alone.”

It’s like she knew him. She knew he felt lonely. She knew Maz was more to Ben than some old woman that owned a shop. When he tried to formulate a response, he got nothing but awkward pauses. So many of them usually accompanied by a groan or sigh that Rey stepped in to comfort him. She wrapped him in a gently hug, leaning her head against his chest and her arms find each other behind him.

Ben’s body shivered where she connected with him. He felt almost paralyzed unable to move or speak for much longer than the moments she was hugging him.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. “She was a good person, and you’ll always carry her with you—and that is the beauty behind love.”

The thought of loving Maz is new to him. Of course, he did. Not romantically, because that was weird and never happened, ever. But, like family? He nods as he thinks about it. Maz was family to him. Important, ever present... she knew him the way no one else seemed to.

“Yeah,” he croaks, “you’re right.”

He can feel her smile grow as her cheek presses into his chest.

“Good, I’m glad you know you’re important, too.”

He wonders why she said it like that, but doesn’t press. Maybe it’s a nurse thing.

“So? Can I see what you’ve made?”

———

As each candle is removed from their box, Rey’s face lights up with wonder. She pays attention to the details in every single one as if they were snowflakes. The more she responded to these, the more he wanted to do something for her—the more he just needed to be around her.

His thoughts flew to next Thursday being Valentine’s Day, and before he could tell himself no, he asks, “Do you have plans Thursday?”

“What’s Thursday?” she blinks at him.

“Valentine’s Day,” his voice drops to a whisper.

Rey enjoys how boyish he looks. She likes how nervous, or maybe it’s shyness, but whatever it is, it’s charming.

“Well, no. I’m working,” she corrects herself. She must see his hope drain from his face, because she does her best to reel him back in. “I get off at seven in the evening if you’d like to meet up after,” she replies. “I’d be ready around eight, if that’s not too late for you.”

Ben grins wide enough to show her all of his dimples. “That’s perfect.”

His thoughts drift again to the shop and everything he wanted to do for her to make it special. Maybe he’d make her dinner and bring it out to the front where the shop was so he could show her how he creates his masterpieces. “Yeah, that’s it,” he quietly cheers himself on. He thinks of how after he can give her a tour and they can cuddle on his couch or next to the old fireplace. It’ll be perfect!

Rey smiles brightly, confirming his request, “It’s a date then.”

It’s all he can do not to faint again when she calls it that.

——-

The day has come and Ben hasn’t honestly slept since Tuesday, preparing beautifully carved candles for a center piece scene he was working on, for her.

Maz’s shop sat near the roadside for obvious reasons, business, and to be clearly seen, mostly. But Ben always loved the way that her property was lined with evergreens. He loved the way they never lost their color, even in the winter. He loved how they looked like they protected her house like extra walls, almost. He loved the way they would hold snow on the branches and ice on the needles and cones. He just loved them.

Using his artistic license, and many thin green molded candles, he dipped them in white to remake this aesthetic. He also molded a thick, nine-inch round mold which usually had three or more wicks in the center and cast it with only two instead. He wants her to know she is important. The two wicks symbolize the two of them taking on the world if she’d have him.

His heart fluttered at the thought of the chance he might have all week. She knew him from all that time ago. She cared for him and hugged him that day. Maybe she’d want this. Maybe she’d want him.

By the time seven thirty rolled around Ben had already taken a shower, cleaned like a mad man, showered again out of nerves, lost his phone twice, sat on the floor and cried about it, when he felt the thing ho off in his right pocket. Luckily his keys were always in the same place so that was no issue.

Ben did his best to calm down the whole way to her place to pick her up. It wasn’t really a date was it? He argues with himself again, “but she called it that. Should I have gotten flowers? Oh....” he groaned feeling like he dropped the ball when he rolled up to her home.

It was a quaint little cottage. One floor, most likely. He wasn’t sure he actual color due to it being dark by then. Maybe it was blue? Or grey? The trim is white, whatever space she had over the ground floor had to be an attic, and it looked like there was a garage off to the side. Unable to see more without looking as though he was casing the place, Ben got out of his car to go ring her bell. He might be new to all of this courting stuff, but he knew how to be a gentleman. Maz would be so proud.

He made it up the path from parking his car on the street. Driveways were for more than friends...it is a rite of passage he nodded at himself, doing the best he could to properly keep himself in check. As he raises his hand to press the door bell, Rey opens her door. For the briefest moment he wonders how long she’s been standing there.

Rey’s all smiles. He can’t believe she’s that happy to see him. Why him? She mentioned it in the hospital, but it can’t be true. She couldn’t have possibly gone her whole life without anyone caring about her.

He takes in her attire, relieved to see on this particularly cold night, she’s wearing pants, at a glance. Not that he was going to be pushing his way—they only just really met last week. He knew fast girls and watched enough movies to know how that all worked out. He doesn’t want that for Rey. Whatever they have, he wants to last. The rest of her outfit looked comfortable enough as outfits go. She’s wearing cream colored sweater, jeans that seem to hug her better than her scrubs, and knee high riding boots with the longest socks he’s ever seen.

Instead of greeting her with a hello, Ben stumbles on his thoughts, asking about her extra-long socks.  
“Okay, younger than me. I was thirteen when I started with Maz,” he groaned the question that he was trying to avoid. The thought that he could have caused her pain. What if she was in one of the cars, he didn’t stop Armitage from lighting?

Rey grimaces a little, answering, “It was a car fire.”

Ben went pale. He was sure he was going to start crying that he could have been indirectly responsible for her pain.

“I stole a van from my ‘adoptive parents’ and something blew when I hit sixty on the freeway. I saw the blue smoke first and then it caught fire. I... It, the seatbelt locked me in, and I couldn’t escape fast enough,” she shakes her head, pressing her lips into a thin line. “...And then I woke up in the hospital.”

Ben who was controlling his panic attack only connected with the fact that he wasn’t to blame; that his stupidity didn’t cause her harm. He trembles as he pulls her closer to him.

“I can’t believe I could have lost you. I’m so sorry,” he repeats as she leans onto him.

“It’s not your fault. And it’s in the past. It’s over. But this new thing between us, I feel it too.”

Ben looks at her weighing the meaning of her words with the soft expression marrying her features. She’s at peace with it. She looks calm, like all of those angels on the filled glass jars Maz couldn’t stand making. She means what she says, and he can feel it too.

“Are you ready?” he asks looking shyly at her once again.

“When you are,” she replies playfully, pressing her own kiss onto the top of his hand.

——

The drive to Maz’s shop was pleasantly quiet. Where he would be worried, he felt calm. Strangely calm— like Maz had a choir of angels praying with her that he didn’t screw this up. She probably did. His lips curled at the thought of her telling them to pray he remembers to duck before trying to enter the shop, and then another several would be positioned in the shop making sure he didn’t bump the display next to the door, or walk into the corner of the table where he had the scene he made for her.

He was sure if their night escalated past this to dinner and beyond, she would be directing traffic here and there to make sure the whole night went smoothly. He suppresses a chuckle when he imagines her face turning down in a scowl and protesting against making any moves on her. She’s a lady that should be treated like a princess, the vision of Maz chimes in matter-of-factly. He knows he wouldn’t. It would be awfully hard but, he knew she was right. Rey deserves only the best.

As they pulled up to the shop, Rey smiles at the old white sign with gold inlaid lettering. “I love that you’ve kept the owner’s name on the shop,” she says quietly.

Ben smiles, taking it as a pat on the back.

“I didn’t feel right changing it, even though she passed it on to me, it’s still her’s, you know? I guess it’s just me trying to respect her in a way...even though she’s not here.”

“That says a lot about you, Ben,” Rey squeezes his hand slightly before she lets him go. “How were you so close with her? Rose said she had no extended family.”

Oh, Maz get them to pray harder for me, he prays to heaven, and God, and all things holy that she won’t leave.

“I was in trouble, and my uncle reached out to her. They had a strong friendship. ‘Considered her part of the family.” He pauses turning off the car, only to catch her cautious shift in behavior. “My friend—I thought we were friends— liked getting me in trouble. All throughout school I was blamed for things or blackmailed by them saying if I tried to stop them, they’d tell my parents I was skipping the gym class to go to art instead.” Her clears his throat, adding, “They were never really happy or there, but if I was in trouble at school, they’d gang up on me about it...” he sighs. “It wasn’t something I could deal with, so I did my bed to keep to myself and not get involved. Well, one day after school, one of the boys started setting fires.”

Ben covers his head with his hands.

“And I was too chicken shit to stop it,” his breathing caves letting out a whimper of sorts. “I was guilty by association. A porch camera showed me trying to just walk away, but that’s the problem...I didn’t stop it,” he croaks.

Rey’s tiny hand meets his shoulder, thumbing over the coat there.

“No one was hurt or claimed to be, but when I saw you, I thought just the worst things. I thought I hurt you.”

“But you didn’t. These two things are not related,” she says calmly. Maybe it’s all the practice she’s had as a nurse talking people down from their heightened emotional states that has her reassuring response ready and waiting.

“But I could have. I didn’t think of anyone else but myself. What if you were in there? What if anyone was in there?”

“But there wasn’t,” she tries again. “Would you like me to be angry with you or something that didn’t affect me? No one was physically hurt. Financially? Sure. And that’s an obvious problem. Were they compensated for their losses?”

“No I don’t want you mad at me... I just, I just thought I should tell you the truth,” Ben looks up from the steering wheel to the windshield and then to her. “And yes, sues is the word. I was sued three times, and each time, they would reach deeper into my parent’s pockets, making them hate me more.”

“I don’t think they hate you, Ben. You’re honest and thoughtful and kind...” she says shyly. “But maybe it’s been hard trying to connect with you. Maybe they need to see that you’ve grown up from who you were to who you are.”

“You really think I can turn this around with them?”

“You turned things around for me; why not them?” Rey asks.

Ben’s head bobs, thanking Maz for looking out for him again. He awkwardly let her question hang in the air when he follows up with, “Are you hungry?”

——-

He’s learned that Rey isn’t a picky eater by any stretch of the concept. She happily enjoys the muscles pasta he threw together, because he didn’t know what was really supposed to go with muscles. Also not particularly knowing what drink pairs with it, he pulled a white wine from a rack at the local liquor shop. He didn’t care for the clerks’ dirty looks that they gave him while watching him purchase the supposedly cheapest bottle. He’s happy knowing she’s not worried about that either.

In fact, she’s been strangely calm about everything, which has him slightly on edge.

“Do you ever get mad, Rey?” he finds himself asking.

The smile on her face falls. “Well yeah, I’m pretty sure everyone does. Why do you ask?”

He doesn’t answer, but instead asks, “what makes you mad? Why are you so calm? I told you all about before and it felt like you could sweep it under the rug and walk away. I just. I just need to know this isn’t some dream I’ll wake up from. Besides Maz’s, I’ve never known compassion like yours.”

Rey leans across the table and pinches the soft flesh of his inner arm with only the tips of her nails. The action gives both pleasure and pain. Ben jumps ever so slightly.

“Did you feel that?”

Ben looks at her sideways, confirming he did.

“Where?”

Again with another cross look, he answers, “My arm?”

“Where else, Ben?” her voice sounds low, almost a whisper.

He’s sure this has got to be a dream... she’s going to disappear and he’ll wake up lonelier than he’s ever been.

His arm jerks back when she does it again, and she smirks with wonder looking up at this silly boy, who is still such an young hearted man.

“My,” he clears his throat and looks into his lap not wanting to say another appendage enjoyed it. But he’s almost sure that’s what she meant.

“If this was a dream or you were unconscious somewhere, you wouldn’t feel that,” she confirms.

Rey adds, “I’m in a better place now. I didn’t get mad at you for your past choices because that was my life too. But I didn’t go to for stealing the van.” Rey pulled up her sleeves revealing her burns that made her skin look rough to the touch. “I paid for it another way. I almost wish I did. I wish they could have taken away my pain—my desire for a fight. I...” she frowns. “I fought all the time. It’s not who I want to be, and honestly, it took work to become patient. But it was worth it, just like when you were working with Maz... don’t you feel like you gained something by changing from that scared boy all those years ago?”

Ben just nods accepting what she’s said, slowly. It would be wrong to pry. Maz would hunt him from heaven if he pushed anymore. He can almost hear her say, “Don’t get a head of yourself, boy.” He’s pretty sure she’d chase him with her fact cutting tools, ready to bring him down if he pestered the girl any more for her motives.

Ben breathes out a contented sigh, asking if she is done with her meal. Honestly all that was left was a glass or two of the crappy white wine, and open clam shells, but he felt the need to ask.

She rose as she nodded, helping him clean up before going towards his living room. Ben decided last minute not to do dinner in the shop and moved his creation out into his own space. The living room is cozy, leaving enough space for the fireplace, several paces out from it was a slate colored couch that had seen better days, a winged, brown leather chair that she could only assume belonged to Maz, and a large flat screen television was mounted on the far right wall, which she could only assume being his.

A few small tables held lamps but there’s one in particular next to the couch that didn’t. It looked almost out of place— but intentional.

Ben watches her as her curiosity takes over. She kneels at the edge of the couch, hanging over the arm of it, so as not to touch the wonderful world he must have created. It looked so different from the ones he donated.

“Ben, this is beautiful. Did you?”

He nods, sitting behind her after tending to the fireplace. “It’s for you.”

“I couldn’t possibly, Ben— “

“But you could. If you could change back then, you can accept this too... just like you accept me,” he says quietly handing her a long-lit match.

Rey takes it from him gingerly as if she’s accepting him like she did all those years ago. As she lights one wick, he says, “That’s me, in the darkness. I thought for a long time that being alone was all I deserved.” And when she lit the second, he added, “And that’s you. Even strapped to that hospital bed, I knew you were more. You made me feel like my life could mean something having you in it.”

As Rey removes the matchstick, she watches the centerpiece glow brightly. Never in her life did anyone do anything so meaningful for her. For the first time in her life she wells up with tears of joy that twinkle in the candles light as they cascade down her cheeks.

It wasn’t a response Ben was ready for. He thinks he’s crossed a line, and before he says anything, makes the wise decision to blow out the matchstick.

Rey turns a little too quickly causing him to grunt in what she hopes isn’t pain. Her arms wrap around his neck tightly, hugging him as hard as she can. He’s got the wherewithal to put the hot stick down on a coaster before pulling her in.

“You— did you mean all of that?” She doesn’t release her grip to look at him.

“Every word,” his speech is muffled in her sweater. “I always hoped I’d get the chance to know you.”

He can feel her sit up from his hold to look at him with wonder. “Are you asking me to be yours?” She knows it’s a ridiculous thing to ask but does anyway, letting her fingers slip through his hair.

His grin widens, “You could say that.”

“Are you saying that?” she presses.

“Yes—yes I’m asking,” he confirms. “It wouldn’t be very gentlemanly to assume, and I’m pretty sure Maz will haunt me if I’m anything but.”

 

Rey sheds new tears, answering him with a confirming nod. “I’d like that,” she says while she pulls him to her for a kiss.


End file.
